


My Name's Blurryface

by nieliegen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Bit of suffering, Blurry is psycho, Blurryface Era, But then it's too much, Choking, Guilty!Tyler, Hurt/Comfort, Josh kinda likes it, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pain, Rough Sex, Smut, Some blood but not a kink, bit of abuse, no details but heavily implied, non-con tag added, rough, starting to get a bit darker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22793515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nieliegen/pseuds/nieliegen
Summary: Josh is Josh and Tyler is Tyler.  Except when he isn’t.Follows the boys on the Blurryface World tour and how Tyler transforms into Blurryface mostly without choice and always with Josh.  Eventually, Tyler gains control.
Relationships: Blurryface/Josh Dun, Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52





	1. May 11, 2015

**Author's Note:**

> I am overflowing with ideas since writing my first so super sorry for spamming with all these stories...
> 
> I also apologize in advance as this could be triggering for some. I tried to create the character as I feel he would be in real life but keep in mind this is my personal depiction of Blurry and may not be accurate to the actual history of Blurry.
> 
> I'm sorry Josh, I'm sorry mom. Plz forgive me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First show of the Blurryface tour. Tyler is still learning to control Blurry and the adrenaline of the first show of their first really big tour is overwhelming and he loses control.

The first show is always red-hot; the lights and the crowd always bright and screaming. The venue isn’t huge but it’s intimate and the fans are enthusiastic as always and to Tyler and Josh it’s everything. They are out in the crowd, suspended and trusting with the drums in front of them. Tyler is acutely aware of the beam right above his head and he is reminding himself not to smack his head on it.

Tyler looks to Josh as the buildup starts, checks the beam and the finale starts. Both of them hitting the drum with a burst of energy that only comes when this final song starts. Tyler grabs the beam to steady himself and hits the drum hard, putting his entire body into it and he can feel the electricity in his veins. It courses through him like lightening and his hands are vibrating with the energy.

It’s all over before it even felt like it began and Tyler and Josh jump down from the crowd and head back to the stage. Arms around each other they bask in the applause and screaming, and it feels like a dream. “We’re twenty one pilots and so are you! Thank you so much for having us—” and then it’s over.

The first show of the Blurryface _world_ tour.

The green room isn’t huge due to the venue not being the biggest but it’s enough for them and they grab water bottles before collapsing on the single couch in the room. The paint on Tyler’s hands and neck is faded from sweat and Tyler can see just a bit of the black paint on Josh’s shoulders. Tyler blinks and then he feels a thousand miles away until Josh is only a spec in his vision and then it’s all black.

||-//

Josh finishes his water and looks up to Tyler, his breath catches in his throat when he’s met with those red eyes; the ones that bore holes into his head and make him shiver like the water in the shower has suddenly turned cold. The room feels considerably hotter and the air is stifling but Josh can’t look away.

“Hello Josh,” and it’s Tyler’s voice if his voice was a full octave lower and was more of a growl than a human voice. It’s Tyler’s body that closes in on Josh, Tyler’s hands that pull him up and shove him against the back wall, next to the table with black paint and red makeup on it.

It’s Tyler’s face only inches from Josh’s, Tyler’s tongue that licks out to wet his lips, brushing Josh’s just barely. “My Josh,” another growl. It is everything Tyler except that it’s not. That voice and those eyes and the paint that is midnight black again and no longer paint but skin that is rough and cold to the touch.

“ _Blurry_ ,” Josh breathes out and his body feels like it’s on fire. Josh hasn’t seen Blurry since Tyler was in the middle of the album, breathless and excited as he tried to explain it all to Josh one night with drawings that were mostly scribbles of black and red. That night when Tyler got a far away look in his eyes and then they were red, his fingertips and neck turning the darkest black Josh had ever seen. Josh remembers that night more vividly than any show they have ever played, any dream he has ever had, any real, true experience pales in comparison to that one night. Josh should feel ashamed at how much he loved it, how often he thinks about it but he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel shame now, either, with Blurry’s hands holding his face, breath ghosting across his lips.

“Been a while,” Blurry’s voice is low and rough and it makes Josh tremble under his touch and Josh isn’t sure if it’s out of anticipation or fear. Probably both.

Blurry’s knuckles drag down Josh’s cheek, pressing in roughly and his skin is so cold, colder than human skin should be. But Josh knows it isn’t human, not now anyway. The ringing in his ears is deafening and his can feel his dick stirring in his pants as Blurry continues touching him, his face and his neck and then down to his waist. It has been a while since someone touched him like this.

“Hey guys—“ Mark’s voice rings into the room, cutoff by the sight in front of him. Tyler pressed up against Josh, hands roaming the drummers body and leaned in close enough to kiss Josh. Mark meets Josh’s eyes from across the room, brow furrowed in confusion and then he sees the skin. Pure black hands, one wrapped around Josh’s hip and the other at his throat. Mark understands. “Uhh, five minutes before we head out.” He coughs to clear his throat and Josh breaks their eye contact.

“For sure, we’ll be right out.” Another chill down Josh’s spine as Tyler’s voice flows perfectly from those lips. Blurry can’t hide his eyes, his hands or his throat but his voice is like a chameleon—he can perfectly impersonate Tyler and convince even his own mother that it is him and not the demon inside.

Mark leaves the room, the door shuts heavy and hard behind him.

“Hmm, soon.” Blurry snarls, his hand squeezing Josh’s hip hard enough to bruise and his throat tight enough to elicit a gasp from him. Then he’s gone and Josh feels cold and hot and empty. Blurry gathers all of Tyler’s things and shoves them into a bag that he throws over his shoulder; he pulls a hoodie on and the hood comes low enough to hide his eyes.

Josh collects his things and then they are out the door and through the venue into to the cool night. There are a few fans mulling around and Josh stops to thank them and sign things and take photos but Blurry keeps going until he’s on the bus.

Josh makes up some lame excuse about Tyler being sick and everyone seems to accept it.

Once he’s on the bus, they’re driving away into the night and it’s about 4 hours to Manchester.

||-//

The darkness is impenetrable and suffocating. It isn’t even like the room is dark because it’s night, this darkness is solid and unwavering and, if left unchecked, could cause one to lose their mind. Tyler is feeling pretty close right now but mostly because he knows when he finally breaks through, when the control returns and the darkness fades, Josh will be there. Spent and damaged with bruises in the shape of Tyler’s fingers all over his body and Tyler will feel guilty for weeks.

The guilt from the first time still creeps into his mind when he’s staring at the ceiling during his sleepless slumbers. He still remembers Josh’s face when he came through, remembers how sweaty and red he was and how his eyes clamped shut as little pants escaped from his lips. Irrevocably undone. Tyler wanted to write a hundred songs about that face but he stopped himself.

Tyler tries to scream but his voice is gone, stolen from him once again. He is only a mind, thoughts floating through this expansive darkness with no purpose but to find a light that he can’t even control.

||-//

Josh gasps, much louder than he intended and bites his lip to stop anything more from escaping. His hands are suspended above his head and tied together with a belt; the rough leather rubs his wrists raw and the friction echoes down to his toes.

“Look at you, so desperate for my attention. Desperate to be touched and falling apart under my touches. I can feel your heart drumming in that ribcage; I can smell the desire seeping from every pore in your body.” Blurry’s voice reverberates through Josh’s bones and it temporarily carries him away from his body.

“Pl-uh-please,” Josh whimpers as Blurry bites into him again and again, marking his neck red and throbbing. Blurry bites one last time, hard, and it draws blood and Josh can’t help but gasp and fall into the pain.

“Hmm,” Blurry mumbles as he licks up the small droplets of blood that escape. “If only Tyler could see you right now—would you like that, Joshua?” His voice is venom but Josh can’t help but hang onto every word like his life depends on it and given their history, it might.

Blurry grabs Josh’s face and forces their eyes to meet and it’s so hard for Josh to see Tyler’s face but not his eyes and instead be met with soulless, life crushing, bright red eyes that hold his greatest fears and his darkest desires.

“Do you wish Tyler was here?” Blurry’s voice is darker than anything Josh has heard in his life, and he lived with Tyler during the creation of Blurry. It forces a shiver down Josh’s spine and it feels like his voice has escaped his body

“Y-yes,” Josh manages to spit out, his voice hoarse and the shame creeps up and envelopes his entire body and soul. He’s never admitted his feelings aloud and it rings loud, bouncing off the walls and coming back to hit him full force.

“I can be what you need or I can be what you want.” Blurry tilts his head to the side, his hand coming to rest on Josh’s throat and he applies the pressure that Josh didn’t even know he wanted. Josh needs and wants the same thing but he knows that isn’t the question being asked.

“ _Josh_ , what do you want?” Josh squeezes his eyes shut; his heart hammers in his chest so forcefully it feels like his ribcage may burst just to relieve the pressure. He hates how his body responds to _that_ voice, to Tyler’s voice. Josh’s mind knows it isn’t him but his body is indescribably fooled.

Josh can’t respond, his voice refuses to come out and if he tries any harder he might pass out right here. His head is foggy and filled with desire and desperation and at this point, they feel one in the same. He is desperate to be touched, desperate for release and relief from this torturous teasing.

“No, not tonight. Tonight you’re mine.” Blurry growls into his ear and then Josh feels his pants fall to the ground, the air wraps his naked skin in a warm blanket that is only interrupted by Blurry’s unnaturally cold hands, roaming down to his thighs and around his dick.

Josh hasn’t even had a full sixty-seconds to process what is happening before there are fingers inside him, three he thinks, and it burns hot like a candle at the end of its life, wax searing into the surface below and hardening. Josh cries out in pain but there is nothing he can do to stop it now and then that burning turns into pleasure and his cries turn to moans.

Blurry _tsk_ ’s as he pulls his fingers from Josh’s ass, rough and cold, and undoes his own pants and shoves them to his thighs. Josh is grateful this demon isn’t masochistic and hums thankfully as Blurry lubes himself up.

Just like before there is no warning, no kiss on the neck, no mumble of words into ears. Blurry pushes full tilt and only stops when skin and bone prevent him from going further. “So soft Joshua, so delicate.” Blurry twists his hands in Josh’s hair and pulls hard, forcing the drummer’s head back and exposing his neck. Josh groans but he can’t stop the blood from rushing to his dick and sending shockwaves of pleasure down his entire body.

“I—I need—“ Josh whines as Blurry starts to move, drawing out and slamming back in and hitting Josh’s prostate head on. “Uhhnnhh,” Josh’s mouth falls open, breaths and pants escaping without pause. The pace is almost unbearable and he can feel his body start to crumble under the pressure, his legs becoming weak and his bones melting under the onslaught of thrusts. It was better and worse than the first time; better because he was prepared but worse in that his shame painted across his face like a mask.

Josh feels the edges of his vision getting fuzzier, blackness crowds his vision and pleasure overwhelms him in waves that flood down and drown him. He can hear his own gasping, can feel his pulse in every part of his body and then everything is white hot and raw and he pulls hard on his restraints and cums all over his stomach.

Blurry’s pace only quickens as Josh goes slack, the belt is the only thing holding him up now but it doesn’t matter anymore. One last thrust and Blurry holds himself in, all the way in, as his dick pulsates inside Josh.

Before he pulls out, he reaches up to unclasp Josh’s hands and his arms fall limp to his sides. Blurry pushes Josh back against the wall and jerks out in one quick movement. Without the belt and Blurry holding him up, Josh crumbles to the floor. Blurry steps back and admires his work, broken and bruised and covered in cum.

“So beautiful,” he muses and Josh is so exhausted mentally and physically that he can’t even turn his head up. “So broken and we’ve only just started.” The wetness on Josh’s cheeks make Blurry smile and he pulls up his pants and tucks himself in.

||-//

Josh wakes up in his bunk and, for a fleeting moment, he believes it was all a dream but the pain in his backside and the small holes in his neck prove otherwise. His entire body feels like it was dropped off a twenty-storey building and only saved by a rose bush at the bottom. Everything aches, his head, his heart. He realizes he doesn’t actually remember moving afterward and he hopes that Mark wasn’t terribly traumatised from seeing his limp and spent body in a pile on the floor.

Josh turns toward the small curtain separating him and humanity and briefly considers letting the darkness of his bunk swallow him whole but he knows he will have to emerge eventually for their show. The noises on the other side of the curtain are normal and loud and it feels surreal to Josh because his mind is chaotic and silent.

||-//

Tyler gasps into his pillow, his chest heaving and body aching. He lets a sob rip through him knowing the sound is lost in his pillow as the guilt seeps into his body like venom; it infects everything it touches and burns like fire coursing through his veins.

It is so much worse than last time. His body feels spent and his mind overcome with blame and anger and hate. He hates himself. He hates what he has created.

Tyler turns onto his back and gasps in as much air as his lungs can handle, the intake is wet and harsh but he welcomes the pain. He deserves far worse, anyway. Tyler stares at the ceiling of his bunk, tries to count the dots inside the material that it is made of. He counts until his vision is blurred with tears and keeps counting as they spill over and down his face. He counts until he hears Josh exit the bunk above and counts until the bathroom door shuts. Tyler’s face is damp and raw and his eyes sting but he keeps counting.

“ _Are you sad, Tyler?_ ” He squeezes his eyes shut tight, ignoring that voice that plagues the back, and sometimes front, of his mind. The one he wants to pull out and suffocate. “Go away. Go away.” Tyler whispers and pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, begging that voice to leave him alone.

“Hey Ty, if you’re up, we are gonna go grab some food.” Marks voice pierces his thoughts and sends Blurry back into the dark depth of Tyler’s mind, hidden away for now. Tyler contemplates even responding but if he stays here then that voice may come back.

“M’coming,” he manages weakly and Mark seems to accept the response as he walks away from Tyler’s bunk.

||-//

Tyler almost keels over when he sees Josh, his stomach drops and his entire body fills with rage. Josh with dark circles under his eyes, bruises coming through on his neck and arms and Tyler can only imagine where else. Josh with dried blood and bite marks on his neck.

Josh smiles weakly at him, reassurance evident and Tyler wants to scream and rip this monster from inside his body. The guilt swarms his mind and he knows he doesn’t even deserve Josh’s eyes, let alone his smile. But then Josh is beside him, warm and comforting like home and Tyler sinks into him. They hug for far too long but Tyler can’t let go, he can’t see those brown eyes, piercing into his soul with trust and love that he isn’t worthy of.

“It’s okay, Ty.” Josh murmurs into Tyler’s hair and it’s not okay, it is so fucking far from okay and Tyler hates himself for being the one who needs comfort. Hates that Josh is reassuring him after he—after Tyler let—

“I’m okay.” Josh says as he pulls away, his hand presses into Tyler’s neck and then he’s gone.

||-//

Tyler plays so hard that night that he passes out in the greenroom and sleeps for fifteen hours straight.


	2. September 18, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their hometown. This one was huge and the after-high was incredible; Tyler and Josh soaring through the show and into the evening. Blurry makes a short appearance around midnight but this time Tyler feels some control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to do my best to update this more often than once a week!
> 
> None of this is real, it's all just a figment of my imagination tyvm.

Columbus. Hometown shows are always the most intense; filled with intense fans, fans who have been here since the start; filled with families and loved ones; filled with a natural adrenaline that is outmatched to any drug on the market.

Tyler exits the stage first, Josh following close behind as he takes one last look out into the massive crowd. Josh’s whole body is fire and he feels torn between collapsing and wanting to play one more song. The rush is hitting him harder than any show so far and his face hurts from smiling so hard at how absolutely awesome their fans are.

Josh turns to Tyler and they hug, hard and deep and Josh wants to cry with how much gratitude he has in his heart—not only for his fans, but for Tyler and them and their journey here.

“Holy crap, dude.” Tyler breathes into his neck and Josh’s face breaks into another massive grin.

“That was probably the most intense show since the tour started and I’m honestly, like, so hyped I could probably start it all over, like ten more times.” Josh breathes and their hold on each other releases.

“Same, but I also desperately need a shower and—” Tyler sniffs the air jokingly, “you need one more than me.” He laughs when Josh punches his arm and dodges the second punch.

“I really just want to wash this makeup off and lay on a nice bed and chill.” Josh goes around the greenroom collecting his things and shoving them into his bag. The next show was only a 3-hour drive but they had both agreed to drive right after the show so they could get in a hotel for the night. Laura Dun was none too pleased about it, but it’s better than waking up at 5am and driving first thing.

||-//

Tyler doesn’t even bother knocking, he just helps himself into Josh’s room through their adjoining door. Josh is laying on the bed, annoyingly wet from his shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. Tyler stutters at the door for half a second, staring at Josh’s toned stomach and that dumb ‘v’ that he wishes he had, before shaking his thoughts and jumping on the bed next to Josh.

“Yo,” Tyler greets, watching as Josh closes out of Snapchat and tosses his phone aside.

“The water pressure totally sucks but dude, there is literally nothing better than a hot shower after a show like tonight.” Josh runs his hands through his damp hair and then shakes it out, water droplets fly everywhere including right at Tyler’s face.

Tyler opens his mouth to protest, maybe call Josh a jerk but his mind suddenly feels paralyzed and dread seeps into the pit of his stomach, knotting and twisting until he can’t breathe. Josh is staring at him, concern deep in his eyes and he reaches out to touch Tyler’s face.

“Hey, you with me?” Josh’s voice sounds like it’s under water and Tyler can barely make out the sounds. ‘ _Knock, knock_.’ A voice calls from far away and Tyler shakes his head violently, pushing Josh away and getting up off the bed. His vision is starting to go black and he’s trying to find an exit, an escape but he’s losing the fight.

“J-Josh—” it’s the last thing he hears, his own voice before there is only black emptiness. _Josh_.

||-//

“Tyler?!” Josh’s voice is panicked and he’s trying to grab Tyler, but he can’t hold on; Tyler keeps pushing him away and moving for the door. Josh reaches for him once more, his hand gripping Tyler’s shoulder and pulling his body around so they are face to face.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Josh lets go and his stomach drops, it’s been four months since he’s seen those eyes while awake. A cold, black hand reaches out and wraps around his throat, tight and constricting and it pulls him forward until only inches separate him and Blurry.

Blurry holds him there, squeezing painfully and restricting the oxygen from reaching Josh’s brain and he’s gasping out, his hands come up to claw at Blurry’s and find reprieve from the hold. Blurry ignores him, instead focusing on Josh’s naked and wet torso, on the towel about to fall from his hips and Blurry cocks his head to the side. The grip on his throat loosens and Josh sucks in a ragged breath and coughs out his exhale.

“What are you doing here?” Josh says and he steps back, hands rubbing at his red and sore throat and eyes dark. Blurry laughs, dry and humourless.

“I’m here for you, Joshua, don’t you know by now how much I need you? As much as you need me.” Blurry clicks his tongue and closes the distance between them once more. “You keep me alive.” Another dry laugh, the sound makes Josh flinch. “Well, Tyler helps too but you—oh, my sweet boy. You keep me coming back.” Josh’s dick twitches under the towel and he hates his body. Hates how easily it betrays his mind.

“Why?” Josh’s voice is barely a whisper and he’s not even sure he wants the answer.

Blurry reaches out and runs the back of his hand down Josh’s cheek, it’s so gentle and soft that Josh can’t help but lean into it. “My dear Josh, if I tell you, you won’t like the answer. Or maybe you’ll like it too much.”

“Tell me,” Josh sighs, the touching is so delicate and unexpected.

“Tyler wants me here. He needs me to do what he so desperately wants but is too afraid to act on. I was, after all, created in his image.” Blurry slaps Josh, hard and quick. Josh recoils from the movement and the stinging in his cheek and he stares wide eyed at the thing in front of him.

“You’re lying.” Josh turns and makes for his suitcase, but a black hand grips his wrist and pulls him back, one hand around his throat again and the other gripping the towel and ripping it off.

“You can always ask him yourself.” Blurry growls into his ear, low and angry and Josh groans under the pressure against his neck.

Blurry releases Josh and pushes him toward the bed, the drummer stumbles and falls face first. His dick betrays him again as it hardens under the assault and god, he is so fucked up for being turned on. The entire situation is fucked up and Josh wants to fight until he has his friend back, but he can’t. Just like Tyler, he is weak to Blurry and he’s not sure he would ever be able to fight him.

Josh stays on his stomach while Blurry watches him, he can’t bring himself to flip over and face those red eyes. He’s ashamed about what is going to happen and the fact that he won’t do anything to stop it—that he can’t do anything.

“So good for me, you’ll let me do anything, huh? Such a good boy.” Josh moans when Blurry grabs his ass, roughly squeezing and then slaps it hard. “What do you want Joshua?” Blurry slaps again, a bright red handprint slowly surfacing on Josh’s ass cheek.

“I—I—” Josh isn’t sure what he wants. He wants Tyler back, but he knows that isn’t on the table. Blurry slaps him again and he bites his lip, the smack stings and vibrates up his back. It hurts and feels good and Josh is so conflicted with his emotions.

“Come on J, tell me.” Blurry leans down and whispers the words in Tyler’s voice; Josh’s whole body shakes at the familiar voice and he balls the sheets under his fists. “Do you want me?” Blurry holds Tyler’s voice and Josh can’t help but moan into the mattress.

“Yes,” he cries out, his dick painfully hard and rubbing just right against the bed. It feels so good and it hurts, and Josh wants that voice to keep talking.

Josh is pulled out of his mind when he hears Blurry chuckle at his desperation. “Yeah.” He murmurs and rubs a hand down to Josh’s entrance, circling a teasing finger around the puckered set of muscles. Blurry pushes a finger in and Josh gasps at the intrusion, his muscles tensing and pinching around the finger.

“Uhh,” Josh thrusts into the mattress, rubbing his dick against the sheets and pulling them harder.

Blurry pushes another finger into Josh and leans over him, lips coming down to Josh’s ear and he bites down on the lobe. “Say his name.” Blurry demands, pushing his fingers further and reaching for that spot that turns Josh into a blubbering mess.

“I can’t—I—” Josh sucks in a breath and pushes greedily back against Blurry’s fingers, trying to get him to rub over that spot again and again. Instead Blurry halts his movement, fingertips barely against Josh’s prostate and it makes Josh whine long and low.

“Say it.” Blurry slaps Josh’s ass with his free hand, hard and fast and then holds his hips down when he tries pushing back.

“T-Tyler, pl-uh- _please_.” Josh’s knuckles are white from his grip on the sheets and he’s desperate for movement.

“Good boy.” Tyler’s voice rings in Josh’s ears, soft and sweet and the pleasure in his stomach tightens and pulsates when Blurry moves his fingers again; he scissors and stretches Josh and it’s so good.

Blurry adds a third finger and roughly fucks into Josh, his wrist moving rapidly as he pushes in and in and in, brushing Josh’s prostate with every thrust. Josh is gasping and moaning, spit dribbling down his chin and soaking into the sheets below.

“Come on, Josh. Come for Tyler.” Josh chokes on his moans, that damn voice pulls on his heart strings and coils the pleasure ball in his stomach until it’s so tight it might break.

Josh has lost all his shame when he comes, Tyler’s voice still echoing in the room and his entire body spasming with his orgasm. Josh’s body feels hypersensitive to the touch and he sighs with relief when Blurry pulls his fingers out; the relief dies when Blurry pops the lube bottle and lathers his dick, positioning behind Josh and pushing in full tilt. 

“N-no, I can’t.” Josh tries to move but Blurry holds him down and snaps his hips into Josh and he hits Josh’s prostate. Josh whines at the overstimulation but he’s weak and can’t stop it.

“You’re so tight, Joshua.” Tyler’s voice but it’s Blurry’s cold, black hands against the back of his neck, pushing him further into the mattress. The stimulation is quickly becoming too much but Josh’s body aches for it, aches for that voice and wishes it were real.

“Fuck, it’s too—too much, Blurry.” Josh pants and he feels raw but Blurry isn’t slowing down. “Tyler!” Josh cries at the onslaught, Blurry hitting his prostate until it feels bruised.

||-//

Tyler paces in the darkness, his heart heavy and his body cold. It feels like it’s been days locked in here, unable to scream or do anything. The guilt washes over him the longer he walks from one side of the darkness to another and back. 

It feels worse than last time. Darker and colder. Tyler made it three months. Fighting and playing so hard that he’d just pass out for ninety days. He kept Josh safe for two thousand, one hundred and sixty hours. Tonight he had let up, playing hard but not to the point of utter exhaustion and he _fucked_ up.

Tyler let Blurry in tonight, he could feel it the minute he felt Josh's warmth beside him and he knew there was nothing he could do so he tried to escape but it was too late. Tyler tries not to think about how this hostile takeover always starts—the first time when Josh smiled at him, that smile only shared when it’s just them and then when Tyler saw his paint marking Josh and now—Josh shirtless and toweled, dripping wet and radiating heat beside him. Tyler has seen him like this a thousand times, ten thousand times probably but it was different tonight. It felt different.

A voice echoes and Tyler’s ear perk up, is this it? Is he coming through? It starts low and soft and quickly turns loud and desperate and it’s Josh. Tyler sucks in a breath.

“Tyler!” It pulls Tyler out of his mind, momentarily, Tyler blinks and it’s bright and light and Josh is there. Josh is lying under him, red and sweaty, face down on the hotel bed and he’s crying out Tyler’s name. It’s pulling him from this prison but then Tyler feels coiling in his stomach and he realizes that he’s _inside_ Josh, his hips thrusting on their own accord.

Josh’s back muscles tense and Tyler feels warmth radiating throughout his entire body and he lets a moan slip as he goes back in and he needs to stop, he has to stop this but he can’t. His mind is there but his body isn’t listening to it, instead he watches his hands bruise into Josh’s hips, watches his dick going in and out of Josh’s asshole and he shudders. It feels so good and Tyler’s ashamed at the pleasure he is getting in this.

“ _Josh_.” He breathes and Josh tenses under his name, his knuckles painfully ripping the sheets under him and Tyler cums, hot stripes coating Josh’s insides, he keels over Josh and then he’s pulled back again. Darkness surrounds his vision and he’s lost again.

||-//

Blurry pulls off Josh and throws his discarded towel at him but Josh can’t move, he lays still on the bed while Blurry goes about cleaning himself and covering up. Then the connecting door opens and slams shut and Josh lets out a shaky breath.

He tries desperately to not think about how Blurry’s hands went human warm on his neck and how Tyler’s voice rang out when he came. Josh chokes out a sob and rubs his face on the sheets aggressively.

Josh doesn’t sleep much that night.


	3. October 31, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh have a very real conversation after the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Blurry this chapter, felt we needed a bit of Joshler to round it out. Definitely the most tame 2k words I have written...

Tyler feels like he’s barely slept this past month and a half; like he’s just been going through the motions. Momentarily breaking through his grey haze during shows, becoming blue and pink and yellow and bright when the lights are hot and centered on him. It’s such a welcome escape from the suffocation he feels at night when the darkness closes in on him and chokes him.

The silent nights are the worst, the ones at hotels with no normal bus noises, no cars passing or horns honking, just quiet violence that eats at him. Sometimes the silence is broken by soft cries, panting breaths and sheets rustling as Josh has another nightmare. Those nights are Tyler’s version of Hell on Earth. The sounds pull his heart in every direction, pulling and pulling until it feels like it might shred into a thousand pieces with the tendons split and limp from the pressure.

They are on the bus tonight, headed to their show in St. Louis, and Tyler is only half glad they’re not in a hotel room because Tyler isn’t sure he could fight himself from going to Josh’s room and climbing into bed with him. He needs normalcy, he craves the lives they had before he brought out this monster and introduced it to the one person he needed to protect. Stupid. So stupid.

‘ _Incredibly stupid. God, Tyler, don’t you even know how truly, irrevocably stupid you are_?’ The voice makes him shiver and he shakes his head hard, as if that’ll push Blurry out, if only it was as easy as shaking him out. ‘ _Remember Josh underneath you? Wet with sweat and sex; do you remember how he felt?_ ’ The voice cackles, fucking cackles, when Tyler bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to stifle that demonic voice.

“Shutupshutup _shutup_!” Tyler’s voice is a harsh whisper, piercing through his bunk and his heart skips as he realizes he is being far too loud. He holds his breath as his ears perk up, listening for changes outside the thin, barely-there curtain separating him from the rest of the bus.

It’s as quiet as it can be. Not even a single noise from above him which should be comforting, Josh is sleeping, safe and sound. In fact, it’s jarring to Tyler that there is absolutely no noise coming from Josh. Not a rustle of sheets as he turns in his sleep, no deep sighs when he has good dreams, no light thumps when his foot accidentally kicks the bus wall. It makes Tyler want to get up and crawl in with him, pushing Josh against the cool window-sided wall and snuggle in close until their bodies are as close to one as they can get.

Tyler doesn’t though, instead he turns and curls into himself facing his own window. Josh had been jumpy lately, he flinched once when Tyler pushed into him playfully this morning and Tyler swore that he could feel his heart actually breaking. Josh is scared of him. He is scared of himself.

Tyler shoves everything back, his self-hating thoughts, Blurry, his fear that Josh will never feel comfortable or safe around him ever again. He pushes it to the farthest depth of his mind and squeezes his eyes shut so tightly that he sees spots; eventually, the darkness gives way and he falls into a fitful slumber.

||-//

Josh rolls over onto his back, lights flashing into his window as they pass some unknown, nondescript town. He lays still and listens, to the noises of the buses tires on the asphalt, the faint electrical noise the fridge makes, and Tyler. Tyler squirming in his bunk, moving restlessly as he fights his own mind. The hushed voice pleading for silence.

Josh wishes he could be the one to bring the quiet and calm, to be the one to save Tyler. He felt it, almost, the last time. When he cried for Tyler, didn’t even know why at the time, but then those warm hands were on his neck and back and it _worked_. Tyler had heard him, had broken through the barrier but then he kept going, and then he was gone again.

The whole situation was unbearable for Josh, it was the first time he felt like he couldn’t do it. Like it was all too much and the over stimulation had him struggling to breathe for the rest of the night—almost throwing him into an attack and it’s been so long since he’s had a panic attack. Even longer since he’s had one alone; Tyler had been there for the ones he had had in the time they’ve known each other. Always calm with hands on Josh’s shoulders to stabilize him, to give him comfort. Letting Josh twist and pull at his shirts, he even ripped one once but to Tyler, it was part of their friendship. Their partnership in this band.

Silence buzzes around Josh, the lights from the unknown town gone and darkness has taken over once more. Josh temporarily contemplates pulling his phone out to aimlessly search social media but favours sleep as his eyelids become heavy and his body sinks further into the thin, bunk mattress.

Darkness is quick to wrap his mind and pull him in.

||-//

_\ 3 hours earlier \_

The end of the show is intense, as it always is, but when they meet up on stage to face the crowd, Josh hesitates just for a second, watching Tyler to see what he does. Josh releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Tyler reaches for him. Pulls him in to his side so they can face this together. Josh’s heart stutters when Tyler leans into him, head on his shoulder and Josh can’t help but reach up and pat his head. The screams are deafening and then it’s over.

Josh’s mind quiet once they’re off stage, following Tyler in his loose, white tank. Josh can’t help but watch how the tanned skin underneath moves, muscles taut and wet. Josh tears his eyes away, shame and guilt creeping up on him like a snake in the grass. Hissing and slithering and infecting his brain with venom-filled thoughts. Repressed thoughts that Josh has pushed back harder than anyone could ever know.

Tyler doesn’t look at him until they are in the greenroom, just the two of them with their crew and friends packing up elsewhere.

“Hey,” Tyler whispers, his voice tired and wrecked from the show. Maybe more than just the show.

“I—” Josh starts, the words dying on his tongue; he chews on his lips, brows furrowed and mind suddenly loud and chaotic. His thoughts moving a hundred miles a minute and they all bite back, razor sharp, when Josh reaches to grab one.

“I am _so_ sorry, Tyler.” Josh should feel pathetic at how the words come out in a whimper, but he’s too tried to care.

Tyler gapes at him for a beat, not moving with his jaw slacked and eyes filled with confusion.

“You’re—you— _what_?!” Josh can feel how hard his heart is beating, this is definitely not the reaction he expected. He’s not sure what, exactly, he expected but it wasn’t Tyler staring at him, mouth open and eyes glassy. “Josh, you—I don’t know—I’m not. _Fuck_!” Tyler’s words are jumbled, much like his head, he can’t make heads or tails and his thoughts are fragments of everything he wants to say.

Josh flinches because it’s the first time he’s heard Tyler swear in a really, really long time.

“Ty, it’s all—you know, it’s not, um—” Josh laughs and the sound is strained and dry. This time it’s Tyler who flinches.

“ _I’m_ sorry, Josh. This is—it’s my fault, okay? Like my fucked-up head and him—it’s all me and I—I can’t stop him. I am so weak and stupid, and he hurts you. _I_ hurt you.” Tyler chokes on his words, tears spilling from his eyes and he wipes them away aggressively.

Josh contemplates his next words, probably for too long, the oxygen in the room is warm and suffocating. Josh fingers feel numb and his whole body is cold, colder than it should be given he’s still covered in sweat and his muscles are still hot and aching from the show.

“You don’t hurt me.” Josh settles on, his voice higher than normal and his heartbeat booming. Tyler’s still staring at him, tears falling one by one down his rosy cheeks, one stopping every so often to fall between his lips.

“I do, I know I do. I hear his thoughts and he tells me the things that he does.” Tyler sucks in a deep breath, tries to ignore all the things Blurry has told him. All the ways he has hurt Josh and the details of every encounter. Tyler shudders at some of the more explicit details and ignores the pang deep in his stomach.

“What has he told you?” Josh’s voice is so low he isn’t sure if Tyler even heard him, but then a bright red blush spreads up his neck to his cheeks and he knows. Blurry didn’t hold back.

“Just that—he—he told me that he takes you. He, uh, he marks you with bruises and bites.” Josh rubs his arms and his neck; he watches Tyler watch him.

“My hips. He loves marking there, fingerprint bruises.” Josh laughs weakly, not sure why he’s elaborating on what Blurry does to him.

“He told me you were warm; you invite him in—you beg for him.” Tyler’s no longer crying, tear tracks drying, and eyes blown wide, glassiness gone. Josh shivers under his gaze and wonders how they got here, talking about what Tyler’s evil alter-ego has done to him.

“Do you?” Tyler takes a step forward.

“Do I what?” Josh’s voice cracks and he desperately wants to run, run as far as he can and not stop until his lungs explode from lack of oxygen.

“Do you—” another step and Tyler chews his bottom lip, “do you beg him?” Tyler shakes his head, as if an unwanted thought materialized and he’s trying to shake it out.

“I—Tyler, I don’t know what this—I’m not—” Josh waves his hands around, hoping Tyler will sense what he’s trying to say without him having to say it out loud.

Now Tyler is standing two feet away from him, eyes still blown wide and dark and Josh is scared that he can’t read them. Scared that Tyler is going to kick him out of the band for real now.

“Do you try to stop him? Does he—does he take without your consent?” The uncertainty is killing Josh and the look that Tyler is giving him makes him wish the floor would open up and swallow him whole. Tyler looks like he’s more scared of the answer than Josh is to admit the truth.

“No,” Josh whispers. Answering both questions with one word. Tyler balls his hands to fists by his side, Josh ignores the way the movement twists his guts. Tyler’s going to hate him now.

Josh closes his eyes and tries to focus on breathing normally, inhale nose, exhale mouth, inhale nose, exhale—

Mouth. Lips. Josh opens his eyes to the feeling of lips on his. Tyler’s lips, to be exact. Tyler’s eyes staring straight at him as he kisses him.

Tyler kissing him. Tyler is kissing him.

Josh pulls back, touching his mouth with his fingers, tracing his bottom lip. He stares at Tyler, watches as he shifts on his feet, fingers pulling at the hem of his shirt.

“I’m sorry, Josh. Oh gosh, I am so sorry. I didn’t—I uh, I just I—”

Josh reaches up to pull Tyler’s head in, their lips meeting much more messily this time but just as intoxicating to Josh. Tyler gasps into Josh’s mouth, his hands coming up to grip at his biceps, nails digging in. Fingerprint bruises.

Josh twists and pushes, pushes Tyler against the wall. His head is bright white and blinding, filled with nothing and everything. Filled with Tyler and how he feels pressed against him, his lips and how soft they are. How needy their kissing is and how Tyler moves with him, both of them in sync and both of them taking and giving. It’s so different, so much better than Blurry. Soft hands and delicate mewls coming from Tyler.

There is no fighting, no control and no one-sided taking. Josh isn’t just getting but he’s giving back. Wrapping his arms around Tyler’s waist, pulling him up until Tyler’s legs wrap around him. Pushing and pushing, trying to get as close as he can as Tyler kisses him. Kisses him deeply, passionately. It’s what Josh has thought about a hundred times, thinks about when Blurry pushes him down and _takes_.

It’s so much better than he thought, as Tyler submits to him. Whimpers under him and grinds into him, his hips coming off the wall to thrust into Josh and it’s generating a heat they both desperately chase.

A door slams in the distance and Josh jumps back, dropping Tyler’s legs and stepping away from him. Tyler catches himself, leaning back against the wall and panting. Mouth red and wet and plump, matching Josh’s facial expression of disbelief and wonder.

“We’re all packed, guys!” Michael says as he knocks on the doorframe. “Ready to go whenever you are.” Neither Josh nor Tyler looks at their friend, just nodding and grunting affirmations.

“Be right out.” Josh tears his eyes away from Tyler to give Michael a small smile and nod.

Then they’re staring at each other again, the silence comfortable but edged with uncertainty. Uncertain of the future and what happens now and what about Blurry?

“Josh, I—”

“We should go.” Josh cuts him off, turning away to pack his things. Ignoring the nagging in his head reminding him of Blurry. How real could this have been? How much of it was really Tyler? The doubt seeped in, hot gas curling around every thought in his brain.

“Yeah.” Tyler replied, a small breathy noise as he followed suit. They left together in silence, more distance than required between them as they walked to the bus, and then to their bunks. Josh ignoring the stab of guilt as he felt Tyler’s eyes on him, pleading with him to look or say something.

It was the first night in a long time that Josh was too tired to stay awake with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best to update faster next time. <3


	4. November 11, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> City of Love. Blurry steals Josh away after the show. With power and he take, take, takes. Tyler stops him near the end. Josh doesn’t sleep alone that night. Tyler’s control tightens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to get into the dub-con part of this work so just...be careful. Nothing too intense but some rough face-fucking. Updated the tags.

It’s been nearly two weeks since The Incident in the dressing room in St. Louis. Josh is definitely pretending like it never happened and it’s kind of tearing Tyler apart, he’s not sure if he did something wrong or if Josh just thinks it wasn’t entirely him in the room that night. The truth is, Tyler was the only one in his head, surprisingly, and he doesn’t regret a single second. He only wishes Josh knew it but, being the coward he is, Tyler can’t just tell him that.

So they’ve ignored it, and each other and pretended like everything is fine. It all comes to a head before their show in Paris when Mark corners Tyler in the hallway.

“Tyler, what the hell is going on?” Mark’s voice is low and harsh, and Tyler knows he won’t accept any of his excuses.

“With what?” Tyler asks, playing stupid and hoping they won’t have time to get into it before it’s show time.

“Dude,” Mark pauses and rubs a hand across his face. “Seriously? With you and Josh; you’ve been super weird these past two weeks like, weirder than normal. Is it Blurry? I mean—I don’t want to overstep anything but finding Josh all screwed up and naked on the bus six months ago was—it was something else, okay? And I didn’t say anything because, whatever, it isn’t my business and you guys seemed okay. Then it kind of got weird again in September but again, not my place and you guys were at least _talking_ but now? Dude, he flies out of the room like his ass is on fire whenever you come in. What the hell is going on?” Mark’s voice is soft, and his eyes are pleading with Tyler.

“I—we kissed, okay? And not me as Blurry but me as me and then—then we just ignored it and now we’re pretending it didn’t happen and I think he thinks that, like, it was Blurry but— _fuck_! I don’t know, Mark. This is all so fucked up.” Tyler squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on breathing, but the air feels like it’s suffocating him and drowning his lungs at the same time.

“Uh—okay, well, shit.” Mark lets out a weak laugh and looks around the hallway. “Okay, here’s the deal: the rest of us, it isn’t any of our business what you guys do with each other, or—or Blurry, that is all you guys, okay? But ignoring each other and pretending like nothing is happening is seriously messing with our dynamic and everyone is just—it’s so awkward, man. Whatever you guys need to do, just do it, please? Talk to him, bone him, whatever—just figure it out.” Mark gives Tyler a pointed look and the singer sighs, nodding his head weakly and sagging against the wall.

“Yeah, alright.” Tyler replies and then Mark is squeezing his shoulder and walking off to get his gear ready.

“Show time in five!” Someone shouts and Tyler shakes his entire body out, he needs to focus if he’s going to not fuck up this show. Tyler wipes his palms on his pants and walks toward stage right.

||-//

Josh is soaked; his faux leather leggings are clinging to him in all the right and wrong places, creating uncomfortable friction and he just wants out. As soon as they’re off stage, he’s in his dressing room and pulling them off, sweat following and dripping all over the floor. He pulls his snapback off and tosses it in the general direction of his bags.

Legging free and cooling down, he sits on the couch to catch his breath and come down from the post-show high. Paris, France. Insanity. The show was incredible; small and intimate but big enough to still wow him. He played hard and his body is protesting that now, sore muscles and sweat everywhere but he feels exhilarated, ready to go back out and pound a whole new set.

“Hey,” Josh’s eyes snap open at the sound of Tyler’s voice. Tyler. They haven’t spoken, just the two of them, in almost two weeks. Not since—

“Hey,” Josh replies, briefly glancing at Tyler’s face before settling for the ceiling, head back against the couch and legs stretched in front of him.

Tyler falls down next to him, warm and sweaty and electric. “Can you pretend to look at me, at least? Like look behind me or beside me or whatever.” Tyler’s staring holes into Josh’s head and the drummer can feel the gaze through his entire body.

Slowly he pulls his head up and looks at Tyler’s face, avoiding eye contact for now, but he can’t help but watch as Tyler’s lips twitch ever so slightly up, see how sweat beads and falls down his nose, watch his adam’s apple bob when he swallows hard.

“What is it, Ty?” Josh should run away, make an excuse and haul ass out to the bus but he can’t—frozen to the spot, looking anywhere but directly into those pleading brown eyes. Brown for now, Josh reminds himself. He hasn’t let himself get too comfortable around Tyler since The Incident because he’s scared to find out what it really meant, who was really encouraging Tyler’s actions.

“I don’t know, I just—I wanted to talk. About what happened, mainly, but anything will do. We haven’t talked a lot in the last little while.” Tyler sounds sad and his lips fall down into a frown and Josh should really stop looking at his mouth.

“Yeah, I know.” Josh wants to say more, wants to ask Tyler what The Incident meant to him but instead his head just falls back and the ceiling becomes his main focal point again. Fluorescent lights and stained tiles and not Tyler Joseph, not his mouth or his eyes, just stained tiles.

Josh can feel Tyler still looking at him, can feel him chewing at his lips as he tries to find words to say and bring conversation. Josh twists his hands in his lap and tries to ignore it all.

It gets really hard when Tyler starts climbing into his lap and all of a sudden, he has two handfuls of Tyler ass and thigh and Tyler’s hands are pulling his face toward him.

“Tyler, what the—”

Tyler kisses him, again. Softer than last time with more uncertainty and insecurity and Josh melts into it. The last eleven days fall away and all he can breathe and feel is Tyler. All he wants is Tyler. Their mouths move together in sync, slow and gaining confidence. Tyler shifts in Josh’s lap and he uses this opportunity to bring his hands up to Tyler’s waist; Tyler sighs into Josh’s mouth and squeezes his shoulders as he moves to deepen the kiss.

“Tyler wait,” Josh breaks away before he has the chance, pulling back and taking in Tyler’s face—worried eyes and shiny lips and flushed cheeks. “What—what are we doing?” Josh whispers, scared to break the moment between them.

“We’re just…kissing.” Tyler shrugs and shifts again, the movement reminds Josh that he only has a thin pair of boxers on, he groans and tightens his grip on Tyler’s waist and his fingers itch to move beneath the black fabric.

“And by we…” Josh trails off as Tyler shifts again, clearly with purpose as he softly grinds down on Josh’s lap.

“You, Josh, and me, Tyler.” Josh lets his arms wrap around Tyler’s back, pulling him closer and leaning up to mash mouths together, using Tyler’s gasp as an in to lick inside his mouth. Their tongues work together, sliding and licking at each other as the kiss deepens.

Tyler grinds down harder this time with clear purpose and Josh moans into his mouth, he can feel arousal spark in his stomach and all the way down to where his dick is getting hard. Josh pulls Tyler down, their chests smashed together and Josh’s dick rubbing into Tyler’s ass.

“Tyler, Tyler, _Tyler_.” Josh pulls away to catch a breath he’s not sure exists as Tyler continues grinding down on him, Tyler’s head drops to Josh’s shoulder and he breathes in his sweaty smell.

Josh unwraps his arms and grips at Tyler’s hips, focusing the movement and helping him grind down—the rough material of Tyler’s pants rubbing deliciously over Josh’s dick. Josh’s body tenses as he feels cold hands wrapping around his bicep and a low growl escaping Tyler’s mouth.

Josh pulls back and is met with bright red eyes. “Oops, looks like it’s you and I now, Joshie-boy.” The air gets trapped in Josh’s throat and he should throw Blurry off and get out of there, but he’s frozen on the couch, hands limply gripping Blurry’s hips.

“Bring him back,” Josh’s voice is hard but push enough and it’ll crack like sugar-glass.

“Bring who back?” Blurry grins as he grinds down hard on Josh’s dick, his grin widening as he feels Josh’s dick push up into the crease of his ass; Josh moans and tries to focus his brain and center his thoughts but it is really difficult when he can feel Blurry’s ass bouncing on his dick.

“Tyler. Bring him back.” Josh grits out, his fingers squeezing bruises into Blurry’s hips and trying to stop him from moving.

“Mmm, I don’t think so.” Blurry pulls Josh’s face so they’re eye to eye, mouths close enough to kiss but Josh knows Blurry won’t; they never kiss. “It’s my turn now, J. You know, I was so disappointed I had missed out last time. I’ve missed you, missed our time together ‘cause you know how special you are to me.” Blurry’s voice pierces his thoughts and sends a shiver down his spine.

“I don’t—I don’t want—”

“Josh, I would be very careful with the next words you choose. Tyler can’t come to the door right now and my generosity is already wearing thin; I don’t want to hurt you, but I will have what is mine.” Blurry whispers the words into Josh’s ear and seals it with a rough bite to the lobe, Josh flinches and moans at the same time.

Josh keeps his lips sealed, his brain screaming at him to _get the fuck out,_ but his legs are not cooperating, there is disconnect between his muscles and his brain. He’s trapped under Blurry’s weight and he knows fighting him is pointless.

Josh wasn’t lying when Tyler asked if Blurry ever took without his permission, but right now it feels as close to that as it ever has and if he wasn’t rock hard in his boxer briefs then this would be a very different story.

Blurry stands and pulls Josh up, cupping his face and clicking his tongue. “I think, for right now, I want you on your knees.” Blurry growls out and switches their positions so he’s sitting on the couch and Josh is standing in front of him.

Josh drops to his knees on his own, hands coming to grip Blurry’s thighs and he stares straight ahead at his chest. Blurry reaches a cold hand out to pull Josh’s face up, catching his eyes and boring holes through Josh’s head. Blurry releases his face when he’s sure Josh won’t look away and then reaches down to pull his leggings and underwear down to mid-thigh; his dick is red and wet with precome.

“Suck,” Blurry growls and Josh finds himself leaning forward without a second thought and taking Blurry down his throat in one go, he chokes when Blurry’s hips snap up and his dick hits the back of Josh's throat. Josh swallows and concentrates on breathing through his nose as he flattens his tongue on the underside of Blurry’s dick and hollows his cheeks.

Josh reaches down to palm himself and he moans around his mouthful of dick, Blurry pulls himself out of Josh’s mouth and grips his face hard, Josh gasps and looks up with wide eyes. “Do _not_ touch yourself, do you understand?” Josh nods pathetically, a whimper leaving his lips when Blurry’s hand tightens and his face starts to ache. “Now, I’m gonna fuck your mouth and you’re going to take everything until I decide you're done, you understand that?” Another pathetic nod and then Blurry releases his face and lines his dick up to Josh’s already red lips, he pushes past and thrusts all the way in with Josh choking as he hits the back of his throat again.

Blurry does not hold back, he grips the back of Josh’s head, fingers nearly ripping his hair out as he holds him in place and fucks continually into his mouth, his thrusts harsh and unrelenting and Josh can feel tears stinging his eyes as he gags around the dick in his mouth. Josh doesn’t stop or let up though, he tries to get a lick at the tip and hollows his cheeks as best as he can. Blurry moans and Josh can feel his thighs start to shake with the promise of an orgasm soon to come.

Blurry pulls his dick completely out of Josh’s mouth, admiring his work of wet and bruised lips, tears falling down cheeks and ragged breathing coming from Josh. “Beautiful, absolutely stunning.” Blurry reaches out to grab Josh’s bottom lips and he pulls it, hard, until Josh whimpers from the pain then he releases and pushes the head of his dick against Josh’s lips.

Josh opens his mouth and tries his best to relax his throat as Blurry continues his assault, rutting into his mouth and moaning at the warm, wetness that envelopes him. “Fuck, your mouth is made for this, kitten. Made to be fucked, huh? All your holes, just for me.” Blurry’s voice is inhuman by the time he gets to the last part of his sentence and it causes an intense shiver to run through Josh’s entire body.

Josh’s erection has started to flag, no longer finding the pleasure in being fucked in the mouth as Blurry’s movements increase in roughness. Then Blurry is pulling out again and pushing Josh back, he falls onto his ass as Blurry kicks off his pants and underwear and comes down on top of him. Blurry pushes him flat on his back on the dirty floor.

||-//

Tyler is back in the darkness and this song and dance is starting to get to him; on repeat he keeps letting himself get trapped in his own mind and it is infuriating. It makes him want to scream and punch until his lungs collapse and his knuckles are bruised and bloody but all he can do is pace. Back and forth, counting his steps in this black room.

Tyler lets out a frustrated shout and drops to the ground, his knees burn with pain as they connect with whatever ground is below him and it’s the first time he’s felt anything except hate and anger in this place. Tyler is happy to feel the pain, knowing he deserves that and worse and he punches the ground, hard. Another burst of pain shoots up his arm and it’s a stark reminder that, even in this place, he isn’t immune to real, physical pain even if it is just in his head.

Tyler stares at the black ground until tears well up and threaten to spill, stares hard enough to try and find anything in the blackness that could wake him up and bring him out of this. He stares so hard his eyes ache from the strain and then he keeps staring, blinking through his tears and feeling just as pathetic as he’s sure he looks.

But then something flickers, briefly, a tiny speck of white moving fluidly but barely there. Tyler holds his breath as he reaches out to touch it, it moves in waves and feels like some type of fabric. Tyler wipes his face with his free hand and then reaches both to grab at this mystery and he feels is give as he pulls, just enough to give him hope. Tyler inhales deeply and then pulls down as hard as he can, the fabric falls like water and surrounds him in a circle of pitch-black material. The new white room blinds him momentarily but once he gathers his surroundings and adjusts to the blinding light, he sees what the fabric is: curtains.

Tyler stands on shaky legs as he assesses the new room around him; it is completely opposite to before, all white and blinding and Tyler can finally see himself, his feet and legs and chest and arms. This is new. For six months he has been confined to pitch blackness and now he feels a glimmer of hope. If he can make it here maybe he can make it out.

He feels revived, like his soul has finally re-entered is body and the emotions overwhelm him. But then he remembers that he is still trapped inside and Blurry is taking his best friend—his—Josh. Anger boils under his skin, turning his blood red-hot and creating emotions so intense it takes his breath away. And then he feels a fire in his chest and it’s the most painful feeling he has felt in his life, real-life burning budding out from his chest to his hands and legs.

He rips at the shirt on his chest, pulling at it and gasping as the flames engulf his body and he screams as his body burns from the inside out. His screams echo in the room and continue until he’s nothing but a pile of charred skin and bones on the floor.

||-//

Tyler comes to in their greenroom, Josh underneath him pushing and whimpering and Tyler could cry out of relief and happiness. He did it, he broke through and it feels different than the last time; he wasn’t pulled out this time, he fought his body to get out, burned himself to nothing to take control.

“Josh,” Tyler reaches up to cup his cheek and frowns when Josh flinches at the touch. “Hey, it’s me. Josh, it’s Tyler.” Josh finally opens his eyes and he immediately starts crying when he sees big brown eyes and warm, painted skin touching him.

“T-Tyler,” he sobs out and wraps his arms around Tyler, pulling him in for a bone crushing hug. “I didn’t—I couldn’t do it, he was—I was—” Josh lets out another sob and Tyler hugs him back with just as much force.

“He’s gone, J, it’s just me. I promise, he’s gone and he can’t—he can’t hurt you. I’m so sorry, god, I’m so sorry.” Tyler feels tears hot and prickling behind his eyelids as he inhales the scent of Josh.

Tyler doesn’t feel sad though, he’s relieved he was able to take back control before it got too bad, before Blurry could take anymore. He took back control.

||-//

Josh doesn’t sleep alone that night and Tyler easily falls asleep with the drummer tucked into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe, frens <3


	5. February 14, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blurry and Tyler have a long awaited discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: we have officially gone into non-con territory. Nothing is described in detail but it becomes very apparent that Josh is not in the right mind to consent even when he does.
> 
> I have added ***** before the non-con part and added a short description at the end for those who wish to skip.

| _3 months earlier_ |

Josh wakes up to soft skin and a steady heartbeat; Tyler lay still under his face and he can’t help the smile that breaks his lips apart at the feeling of waking up like this. Legs tangled, warm sun pouring in through the tiny bus window and Tyler’s soft sighing. Josh could easily get used to this.

“Mornin’,” Tyler sighs, his muscles twitching under Josh and his arm tightening around Josh’s shoulders.

“I can’t believe we fell asleep like this…” Josh moves and he swears he can hear his neck actually creak. “Do you even have feeling in your arm?” Tyler laughs and they move awkwardly until Josh is on his back and Tyler is curled into him; positions almost exactly reversed.

Tyler’s quiet for a beat and Josh can tell he’s turning words over in his head, twisting them and trying to form his lips around the right ones—if there even are any. Josh can practically feel the dark parts of his thoughts consuming him as he tries to apologize or comfort Josh.

“It’s not your fault, Ty.” Josh says as he pulls the skinnier man closer, rubbing comforting circles on his hip as he tries to reassure Tyler with his touch.

“But I am him, Josh. The parts of me that I hide, that I am afraid of and all my insecurities manifested into this _thing_ that—that takes over my body and hurts you.” Tyler sucks in a wet breath and Josh tries to ignore the wetness seeping into his skin.

“You have control though; we saw it last night. You took it back from him.” Josh tries to reason with him, but he honestly isn’t sure how to make Tyler feel better—how do you convince someone they aren’t the same as their demonic alter-ego?

“Yeah,” Tyler’s voice is a quiet whisper and he inhales deeply, reaching up to wipe his face and Josh just holds him tighter still. Josh can sense he has more to say but his lips stay closed, the words trapped on his tongue and Josh doesn’t push him.

Instead he just leans down and presses a kiss into Tyler’s bed mused hair, lingering as he feels Tyler relax into their embrace. Josh keeps rubbing circles, trying to bring comfort to the chaos he is sure is brewing in Tyler’s head.

Tyler grunts and Josh’s heart skips, he’s about to pull away to look at Tyler’s face when he feels something pressing into his thigh. Josh’s entire body flushes when he realizes that it’s Tyler pressing into him, grinding into his leg. He can feel Tyler’s dick hardening and his movements increasing in pressure and speed as Tyler whimpers into his chest.

“Ty,” Josh squeezes his hip and takes in a shaky breath as he feels his own dick reacting to Tyler’s humping.

“J, need—need you.” Tyler’s breath is hot, and it causes a shiver to run through his entire body; Josh is quick to move, hooking his leg under Tyler’s and easily flipping them so he’s hovering above Tyler. His arms are braced on either side of Tyler’s head and he leans down to capture Tyler’s mouth in a lip bruising kiss.

“Tell me,” Josh mumbles into Tyler’s lips, “tell me exactly what you need.” Josh words are punctuated with a hard grind down and Tyler gasps into Josh’s mouth.

“You,” Tyler licks into Josh’s mouth and tries to push up, his chest pushing against Josh’s and his hips desperate for moremore _more_. “In me.” Tyler finishes as he sucks Josh’s tongue into his mouth.

Josh’s hips stutter at the request and a whimper forces its way past his lips at the thought, at Tyler’s words. Josh grinds down again and holds Tyler against the hard bed; keeping his hips pinned as he rotates slowly, dragging his dick against Tyler’s.

“Y-yeah,” Josh moans as he reaches down to pull Tyler’s briefs off; his hand immediately wrapping around Tyler’s dick and tugging up. Tyler’s hand flies up to cover the embarrassingly loud moan that almost escapes his lips; he tries to push up, but Josh’s weight is still holding him down.

“Under—” Tyler gasps out, his hand leaving his mouth and moving to the pillow he’s laying on, he fumbles before finally producing a small bottle of clear liquid. Josh raises an eyebrow at the small bottle of lube and grins when Tyler turns the prettiest shade of pink.

Josh’s hand leaves Tyler’s dick in favour of grabbing the bottle, he uses his knees to balance over Tyler as he pours a generous amount onto his fingers. “Have you ever—” this time it’s Josh’s turn to blush as he meets Tyler’s eyes and motions down.

“Not—not with someone but, by myself, yeah.” Tyler admits shyly and Josh nearly loses it there, the admission sending all his blood rushing south as his dick throbs in his own briefs.

“Fuck,” Josh rests his head in the crook of Tyler’s shoulder and inhales his scent. Tyler pulls him out of his daze with a hip thrust up and Josh is back to business; he reaches down between Tyler’s legs and circles his hole with a lubed finger. Josh can feel the flutter of muscles, can feel Tyler’s stomach tense under him and he pulls his eyes up to meet Tyler’s; silent communication between them as Josh asks permission. Tyler nods and it’s all the go Josh needs as he pushes his index finger past the tight ring of muscles. He goes slow as he feels the resistance, pushing little by little until he’s knuckle-deep. Tyler lets out the most beautiful sigh and his hands come up to grip at Josh’s shoulders; his nails dig in and it spurs Josh on.

He pulls his finger all the way out before pushing back in, building up momentum with each thrust in until Tyler feels ready to take another; Josh’s second finger breaches easier and then he's scissoring to open him up. Tyler is panting and biting his lip raw, trying to hold in his noises as Josh fucks into him with two fingers.

“More, J, more.” Tyler pushes his hips down to meet Josh’s and his nails dig in deeper, nearly breaking the skin on Josh’s freckled shoulder.

“More?” Josh’s voice comes out as an almost growl as he pushes his fingers deeper, scissoring them once more before curling and finding that spot inside that makes Tyler gasp for air and throw his head back. Josh bites his lip as he watches Tyler come undone beneath him; heat pulsates in his abdomen and it takes all his strength to hold himself up.

Josh adds a third finger and Tyler takes it beautifully, his legs spreading further, and his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat and flushed pink. Josh leans down to kiss his chest, smiling when Tyler gasps, and moves down slowly, capturing one of Tyler’s hard nipples between his teeth. Tyler arches into the bite and Josh smirks around the nub.

“M’ready, come on, come on.” Tyler cants his hips against Josh’s fingers; his desperation hits Josh right in the gut and punches a low groan from his lips.

“Condom?” Josh asks, he’s surprised his voice even works with how clouded his brain feels. Tyler shakes his head and pushes up again, seeking more stimulation.

“It’s okay—just do it, I need it.” Tyler whimpers when Josh removes his fingers, already feeling the loss of being stuffed full.

“Okay, okay.” Josh shimmies out of his own briefs, pushing them down his legs until he can slip a leg out. He grabs the bottle of lube and pours it directly over his dick, hissing at the cool liquid before tossing it to the side. Josh reaches down to rub it in, moaning at the first actual touch to his dick.

Josh grips the base hard to stop himself from ruining everything by coming all over Tyler. “F—fuck,” he gasps.

“C’mon, do it, do it, do—” Tyler’s cut off by Josh pushing the head of his dick into his hole; Josh goes even slower than before, half inch by half inch slowly disappearing inside Tyler’s body.

“Oh my god,” Josh’s face falls into Tyler’s chest as he wills himself to hold out; he can feel Tyler’s muscles spasming and encasing him in delectable, tight heat and it takes all of his self-control not to slam into Tyler.

When Josh finally bottoms out, he has to pause to catch his own breath. Tyler squirms beneath him, his hands slipping down to grip Josh’s lower back, trying to pull him impossibly closer. Josh watches as Tyler sucks in a breath, watches how his face contorts from pain to pleasure as he adjusts to Josh inside of him.

“Hey,” Josh reaches out to touch Tyler’s jaw and leans down to kiss him. “You okay?” Tyler’s eyes flutter open, his long lashes splayed delicately.

Tyler smiles, shifting again and causing Josh to shift even deeper and he moans low. “Be more okay if you moved,” Tyler shifts again and Josh laughs at his eagerness.

But Josh takes Tyler's answer seriously, his brows pulling down in concentration as he pulls all the way and thrusts back in with purpose. His mouth breaks into short pants when Tyler’s eyes slip shut and his head falls back against the pillow.

Josh’s heart is hammering in his chest and his brain is working in overdrive, unable to fathom how he got here with Tyler. How they’re connected now and going forward; how Tyler smells and feels and how Josh can feel his mirrored heartbeat, thumping in his chest and matching Josh’s with every passing second.

“Wanted this, for so long.” Josh whispers into Tyler’s collarbone, leaving kisses and bites against the flushed and sweaty skin as he revels in Tyler’s gasps and twitches. Josh’s thrusts stay slow and hard, doing his best not to rock the entire bus with how badly he wants to take Tyler. He knows the guys know, it’s basically impossible to even masturbate quietly in these bunks and it’s not like Josh and Tyler have been trying to keep it down.

“Tell me,” Tyler gasps into Josh’s ear, his hips coming up to meet every one of Josh’s thrusts; Josh switches his angle on the next snap of his hips and he feels Tyler’s fingers squeeze the taut skin on his lower back, blunt nails digging in to find purchase and control. Tyler’s mouth opens in a silent cry and Josh knows he’s found it; he pushes in harder and hits Tyler’s prostate dead on. Josh can feel Tyler’s muscles weaken as his body accepts the unyielding pleasure ripping through his body.

“Since we met, since that night we stayed up talking. Wanted you every day I saw you,” Josh grunts as he picks up pace, his thighs burning with tension for having held out so long. “Dreamt about you, so many nights, dreamt about this.” Josh can feel Tyler tightening around him, his muscles spasming around his dick and trying to milk him for all he’s worth.

“O-oh,” Tyler’s a panting mess, his entire body wrung tight like a bow as he arches into Josh’s thrusts, his nails drawing blood as he tries to pull him closer, harder, deeper. Josh is quickly coming to the edge, his eyes slipping shut as the pleasure overtakes him and the heat builds low in his gut.

“Ty—Ty, I’m gonna—” Tyler nods along to Josh’s words, in agreement or encouragement, Josh isn’t sure, but he can’t stop now. His hips snap into Tyler until he’s as deep as he can get, flesh and bone stopping him from going further, Tyler keens and Josh comes to the feeling of Tyler’s muscles quivering around him.

Josh grabs at the blankets, white-knuckled as he fills Tyler, hips twitching as his orgasm rips through him. Tyler shifts his hips and Josh is pulled back in, aware of Tyler’s leaking dick against his stomach, untouched and desperate for release.

“I got you,” Josh mumbles and reaches out to grab him, tight fist pulling and thumb rolling over his slit as he gathers precome to make the slide smoother. “I got you,” Josh whispers into his ear again, nipping on his lobe as he pulls Tyler’s orgasm out. Fisting him until his muscles contract and he spills out over Josh’s hand and his own stomach.

Josh pulls his softened dick out, slowly and carefully as Tyler breathes deeply through his nose. He falls next to Tyler, his own chest heaving, and his body filled with warmth and satiation. Josh focuses on Tyler’s slowing heartbeat, on his breathing that evens out and settles as they lay in silence.

Josh tenses when he feels Tyler shudder under him, his breathing becoming shallow and wet. Josh shoots up, pulling Tyler to face him and his heart dropping at the sight wetness on his cheeks.

“Oh my god, I hurt you? Tyler, I’m so sorry, oh god I’m so—”

“No, no. Oh my god, definitely not. I’m sorry—I don’t—” Tyler rubs a hand over his face and sucks in a breath. “I’m not—deserving of this, of you.” 

“Ty, stop. You deserve everything, okay? He’s not—you’re not him. You’re in control, I know it.” Tyler nods but Josh knows he doesn’t believe it.

“I’m not in control, I can still feel him.” Josh kisses Tyler, interrupting his thoughts and swallowing down his own insecurities about who the _him_ is.

||-//

| February 14, 2016 |

Tyler gasps as he’s pulled awake, or under, or whatever this is. He screams as he pulls at the restraints holding his arms and legs to the metal chair, he’s in the black room; once again trapped. “No!” He shouts, pulling hard against the rope, feeling it dig into his skin and burn as he struggles.

“Enough with the drama,” Tyler’s head whips up, red eyes the only thing he can make out in this darkness. _No_.

“You!” Tyler yells, fighting even harder against the rope as he tries to escape to rip those eyes out. “Let me go!” His skin is raw, and he can feel liquid dripping down as he breaks skin the harder he fights.

Blurry laughs, his bright white teeth shining in the darkness. “Absolutely! After we’ve had a chat, you know, it’s been so long since we’ve sat down and talked.” Blurry clicks his tongue and his eyes never leave Tyler.

“I fought you—I—I had control!” Tyler’s voice already feels raw, his entire body feels raw and weaker by the second.

“Mmm, yes. An unfortunate turn of events, if you ask me. Alas, here we are and it looks like what little control you had is gone; given you’re the one tied up and I’m free to roam.” Tyler’s jaw sets as Blurry antagonizes him.

“I’ll get it back, don’t worry.” Tyler hisses out.

“You have gotten feisty, remember when you were just a kid and you were so scared? Remember when I could just whisper to you and you’d let me in?” Blurry growls out, his eyes never moving, never blinking.

Tyler refuses to answer, lips pursing as he holds in what he wants to say.

“Anyway, I thought this conversation could help you—” Blurry pauses, as if thinking of what to say “—understand the gravity of the situation.” Tyler flinches when he hears fingernails tapping at wood. “I’m a simple man, Tyler, you know there is only one—” Tyler snorts and Blurry's eyes narrow at the noise. “Okay, two things that I want. But they’re just small, little, itty bitty things. I mean, honestly, you won’t even miss them.” Tyler tugs at the restraints again, the chair scrapes against the floor and his desperation is wafting out of every pore in his body.

“You will never have him.” Tyler’s voice is slow and rough, resolute in its tone.

Another bright white and wicked grin. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. I have built something with all this extra time I’ve had up here since my last appearance.” Blurry’s eyes disappear before bright red light floods the darkness; Tyler squints against it and he can feel the blood drain from his face at what it is illuminating.

“ _No_ ,” he whimpers at the rectangular prison; iron bars at least an inch thick with a single door and padlock.

“It isn’t as crafty or beautiful as the one you had built, but I think it’ll do. You always were the more creative of us and I—well, I was always more practical.” Blurry laughs but it sounds more like a growl and Tyler fights harder against the ropes.

“Oh Tyler, come on.” Blurry shakes his head and walks toward him, Tyler tries to hold strong, but the fear and doubt infect his mind. “Just like old times, right?” Blurry snaps his fingers and Tyler screams as he’s thrown into the cage, his head bouncing off the ground as he lands.

Tyler groans in pain and rolls onto his side, hand reaching out toward where Blurry stands on the other side of the cage. Watching in and grinning like the Cheshire cat. He knocks against the bars, low thump, thump, thump as he walks around to where Tyler’s head is; Blurry kneels down and reaches in to brush his hair back.

“Don’t worry, by the time I’m done, he’ll be begging for it.” Blurry bites out and Tyler rises up on shaky hands and knees.

“I’ll kill you and if I can’t then I will trap you again and this time it will be for far longer than the last time. I will end this; I will break out.” Tyler grits out, his face red and sweaty and his heart loud and pounding.

Blurry just grins again and then he’s gone, black smoke the only trace that he was even there. Tyler screams as he's plunged into darkness once again.

||-//

*****

Josh sucks in a breath as he's shoved into the back room on the bus, his feet uncoordinated at the unexpected shove and he stumbles onto the couch. His knee hits the edge hard and pain shoots up his leg.

“Tyler, what the fuck?” Josh rubs his knee and looks up to the taller man; dread pools in his stomach when red eyes meet his.

“Long time, no see.” Blurry grins and closes the door behind him, flicking the lock before walking toward Josh. “Ty and I had a little chat after the show and he’s—well, he’s going to be unavailable for now. Don’t worry though, I assured him I would take good care of you.” Josh shrinks back at his words and he pulls his legs up into his chest.

“I heard Tyler let you top—didn’t take him for a sub.” Blurry tilts his head, watching Josh’s reaction and smiling when the other man looks away.

“You don’t know anything.” Josh grits out, his voice low and angry.

“Hey now, that isn’t very nice.” Blurry comes to sit next to Josh, tugging on his knees until his legs fall to the floor. “I guess I can admit that I haven’t been a perfect gentleman, but you—you drive me a little crazy.” Blurry runs a finger from Josh’s knee up his thigh and ending on his hip; a sly smirk on his lips when Josh shudders under his touch.

“Look, whatever this was—it’s done now. Take this as my resignation, my consent withdrawn. It’s a solid, unwavering no.” Josh pushes Blurry away and moves to get up but he’s yanked back down, ass hitting the bench hard as Blurry holds him in place.

“Oh, Josh.” Blurry reaches out to brush curls off Josh’s forehead and breathing evenly. “My Josh,” his hand slips down to his cheek and then his jaw; Josh twitches under the touch and tries to move away but Blurry grips his face. His fingers come up to Josh’s mouth and he pushes them in, breathing heavily as Josh goes pliant under him.

“Just a little lick, come on J. One last parting gift for me.” Blurry watches him, pins him in place with his stare and Josh gives in, just a fraction, and licks at his fingers. The smirk he receives sends chills through his body and instantly makes him regret his decision.

Josh feels his body relax, and Blurry removes his fingers, still grinning at him with wide, red eyes. “How you feeling, Josh?” Blurry runs a hand down his chest and Josh feels elated, excited at the touch and warm.

“Um, weird. I feel—warm.” Josh slumps against the back of the bench and breathes deep through his nose. “What did you do to me?”

Blurry clicks his tongue, “I just gave you something to help you relax.” Blurry’s on him again, this time straddling his legs and pulling his head forward.

“You—drugged me?” Josh gasps out, his head filling with fuzz and more warmth and wow, he is really warm.

“Oh no, I don’t like that word. I would never do that.” Blurry leans down to inhale Josh’s scent, his nose digging into the side of his neck.

Josh can’t help the moan that escapes at the touch, his entire body eagerly responding to Blurry’s touching. Unable to help himself, Josh feels desperate for more and Blurry seems more than happy to oblige.

“Tell me you want me,” Blurry grunts out, his teeth grazing across Josh’s pulse point and he shudders under him.

“I—” Josh’s mouth feels dry, his voice catches in his throat as he tries to respond and then Blurry grinds down, their hard dicks rubbing together, and all thought leaves his mind.

“Tell me,” Blurry growls, biting hard enough to leave a mark.

“I want you,” Josh breathes out, his hips coming up for more contact. “ _Please_.”

“I told him you’d beg.” Blurry bites again, this time drawing blood and Josh moans loudly.

Blurry pulls off, his feet hitting the floor behind them and he pulls Josh up. Josh staggers on his feet, feeling unsteady and completely taken with arousal. Every part of his body feels like it’s on fire, like he needs to be touched to make it go away. Blurry pulls him close, gripping his hips with bruising force before pushing him down until they’re vertical on the ground; Blurry on top of Josh, holding his body down and rutting into him.

“Come on, I wanna hear you.” Blurry’s eyes flash when Josh lets a whimper out, his hands coming up to tangle in Blurry’s hair and pull. “Good boy,” he reaches down to pull Josh’s leggings down.

“My good Josh.” Blurry growls.

||-//

In the darkness, Tyler screams as his hands pull and push at bars that won’t budge. Rage fills his body until he feels like his skin will melt off and his bones will turn to ash. He screams until his throat is raw and his voice is gone.

He reels back and punches the bars until his knuckles are bloody and bruised and when they go numb, he kicks until his shoe is filled with liquid that squelches when he walks. Tyler tries to focus on the control last time he was trapped, focuses on the feeling of being burned from the inside out, the feeling of flames licking out to his fingertips until the pain was unbearable.

The feeling doesn’t surface this time, the only burning he feels in his in his knuckles and his toes. In his head from both the pain of being knocked against the ground and the desperation of trying to escape his own mind from within his mind.

Tyler screams again, his voice echoing off invisible walls and vibrating inside his cage. Tyler screams until he loses his breath and consciousness. Black on black on black.

||-//

Josh twists and groans as he wakes, his back sore from laying on hard ground all night but that isn’t all that hurts. “No,” he shoots up and grimaces at the ache in his ass. “ _Fuck_ , no!” His breathing picks up when he realizes his pants are beside him and he can still feel the slick of the lube between his cheeks.

But he can’t remember anything except for a voice and red eyes.

_‘I told him you’d beg.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> Blurry drugs Josh with liquid ecstasy on his fingers which turns Josh compliant (for those who do not know, liquid ecstasy is GHB or the date-rape drug). Josh wakes up to find what has happened.
> 
> I promise this is as dark as it's going to get.
> 
> Also 2 more chapters!! Thank you for your comments and kudos, I so appreciate it! <3


	6. April 10, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the video for Goner referenced at the start of this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHmILt-2utE

| _2 months earlier_ |

Josh hasn’t been avoiding Tyler, he’s just been engaging in conversation and spending quality time with everyone except Tyler; far from avoidance, if you ask him. In fact, he’s been conversational and engaged with his friends and crew than normal so yeah, far from avoiding.

And maybe he ducks into more broom closets than he’s ever been in before shows but that’s just to center himself and definitely not to avoid Tyler coming down the hall. The early bedtimes have also just been to catch up on sleep and most certainly not to avoid being alone with Tyler.

Josh is running in place in his room, the fans screaming and filling the venue with their cheers and excitement. Josh shakes out his hands as the nerves build and he tries to find his center, his back still aches, and he hasn’t slept more than a few hours the past few nights. It’s only been two days since Blurry took him, but it feels like it’s been weeks. His body is virtually exhausted, and his mind is completely worn down; he hasn’t been able to shut it down since he woke that morning, groggy with his memory lost.

He’s gotten bits and pieces back since, just a flash of memory or a sound but nothing that helps him come to terms with what happened. How that one night of excited scribbles turned into this thing—this parasite that has taken what it wanted from Josh over and over. How he let it happen, at first. How, maybe, this is all his fault.

Josh jumps when someone knocks on the door to his room, his wild eyes focus in on Mark who gives him a weird look before letting him know it’s five minutes to show time. Josh nods and Mark departs without another word. Josh is pretty thankful Mark hasn’t commented on the tension.

Josh keels as a sharp pain bursts behind his eyes, he falls to his knees in a silent cry as the pain pulses and flashes of light burst behind his lids. Red eyes staring and cold hands holding him down, pushing him down and keeping him there. His own voice panting out, asking and begging through haziness.

Josh gasps as he’s brought back to the present, his muscles screaming with how they ache and his head pounding with a newfound headache. Josh feels warm hands gripping his face and pulling him, talking to him but he can’t make out the words; he knows it’s Tyler though, he can feel it in his bones.

They go on stage five minutes late and Josh plays hard the entire set, forcing himself to forget and ignore.

When Tyler sings ‘Goner’, Josh almost misses his cues, but he catches himself before anyone can notice; he feels the way the crowd follows Tyler, singing back at them ‘ _don’t let me be gone_ ’ as Tyler’s voice wavers. And when Tyler screams ‘ _don’t let me be_ ’ and slams the keys, Josh feels it to his core.

||-//

| April 10, 2016 |

“Josh, wait!” Tyler reaches out and grabs the drummer by his wrist, pulling him back onto the bus without struggle.

“Ty, I—I really don’t want to do this right now.” Josh refuses to make eye contact, instead opting to stare blankly at the covered window directly behind Tyler.

“Yeah, well, we’re doing this right now.” Tyler releases his wrist and moves to stand in his line of sight, searching for Josh’s eyes. “It’s been two months now and if we keep avoiding it and each other then I’m going to lose it more than I already have, and if I’m weak then—then it all goes to shit.” Tyler’s voice is pleading with the barest hint of guilt and regret.

Josh folds his arms across his chest, biceps twitching with tension and jaw set in a line; he stays silent but finally finds Tyler’s eyes. Brown to brown, pleading to avoiding, hurt to hurt. Tyler’s heart stutters in his chest, the muscle contracts painfully as Josh maintains his silence.

“Josh, I—I can’t get rid of him without you. I need you.” Tyler takes a step closer; their bodies close enough to share warmth and Josh lets his arms fall loosely to his sides. Tyler reaches out and fists the soft material of Josh’s shirt in his hands, pulling him even closer and sucking in a wavered breath. Josh is watching his movement; they briefly flick down to Tyler’s lips and then back up to his eyes.

“I—I’m sorry, I can’t.” Josh reaches up and closes his own hands around Tyler’s as he gently tries to pry them out of his shirt. Tyler’s grip tightens and he can feel his heart pounding in his ears; Josh’s words echoing in the confined space of the bus and Tyler’s mind.

“ _Please_ ,” Tyler begs. He can’t lose now; he can’t be weak while Blurry is still free and he can’t stop Blurry without Josh. Josh keeps pulling at his hands and he tightens until he feels like he might rip the fabric. Josh is shaking his head and Tyler can smell the saltiness building up in his eyes, can feel the sting of his own tears as Josh rejects him.

Josh’s hands momentarily stop pulling and clutch at Tyler’s, blunt nails digging into Tyler’s fingers. Tyler can almost feel the war Josh is waging inside his head; the fight between running as far away as he can or pulling Tyler as close as possible. Ignoring what had happened completely or facing it head on.

“Josh,” Tyler pulls him in until they’re touching completely—chest to toes. “Josh.” Tyler falls into him, their hands trapped between their bodies.

Josh is the one who closes the last gap between their mouths, crashing into Tyler with everything and making his choice in one movement. His choice to stay and fight, to pull Tyler in and face it head on. Tyler is pushing back into Josh, gasping into his mouth and allowing the drummer inside. Josh takes the invitation to deepen the kiss, his hands moving to grab Tyler around his lower back and force them even closer together.

“Hey, guys—” they jump apart at the sound of Michael’s voice coming onto the bus; both panting and red-faced. “Sorry uh, just wondering if you’re coming in to eat—” Michael waves somewhere behind him, off the bus.

“For sure, we’ll be right out.” Tyler replies and finally releases Josh’s shirt, it’s wrinkled from where he had fisted it and Josh’s mouth is wet with saliva, he looks completely undone; he looks how Tyler feels.

For a minute they just stare at each other in silence, but it’s less uncertain than it was before. The silence now is filled with understanding and determination.

||-//

It’s another week later before they both sit down to discuss the realities of what needs to be done. Josh is uncertain but hopeful and Tyler seems certain but hopeless. They are squished tight in Josh’s bunk, pressed together from their shoulders to their feet and Josh is tapping out a familiar rhythm on Tyler’s thigh.

“So, I mean how are—what can we even do?” Josh worries his bottom lip between his teeth as he watches Tyler, tries to focus on breathing evenly and not freaking out.

“I don’t exactly know. It was different last time and the only reason I trapped him last time was because I had just attempted—” Tyler cuts himself off but Josh knows exactly what he was going to say; they haven't talked in depth about any of this but Josh knows some things about that dark time in Tyler's life.

“Yeah, well, not this time.” Josh squeezes Tyler’s thigh hard and then tries to turn his body the best he can until he’s on his side and facing Tyler. “Okay, so, first things first, how do we bring him out?” Josh can feel the intake of air that Tyler sucks in.

“There’s only one that I know of right now and I—I can’t do it.” Tyler swallows hard around the lump in his throat and Josh watches his Adam’s apple bob.

“It’s me, isn’t it?” Josh asks, voice pitched low and heart stuttering at the words. Tyler doesn’t respond but the way his entire body tenses is answer enough. “I’ll do it.”

Tyler opens his mouth to protest but Josh shakes his head, “no, Ty, whatever it is, I’ll do it.” Josh’s voice cracks at the end but he tries to will Tyler to understand that he’s serious.

“I can’t ask you to do this, Josh. Not after what he’s done to you, not knowing what more he wants from you.” Tyler’s gripping Josh’s hand, squeezing tightly and shaking his head.

“Tyler, whatever he’s done or will do to me, I can’t imagine it’s half as bad as everything he has put you through. I will be okay, but I won't be able to find any happiness unless you have it, too. Tell me what I need to do.” Josh leans over to nose at Tyler’s neck and leave a soft kiss just below his ear.

Tyler looks like he’s going to keep arguing but then he gives in with a deep breath. “The last time I trapped him, I had built a—a cage, I guess. It was something I had built when I was a kid, you know about it—the treehouse. I used to escape my reality there and one day he was just there, looking like me and for a while he was my only friend. He started asking me to do things with him and it got worse and worse and then—” Tyler pulls at his hair with his free hand and rolls his head back against the bunk wall.

“Then I—I was in the hospital for a while and I had found a way to lock him inside of it. I spent a lot of time unconscious and he tried to make me give up a lot in those weeks I was stuck in that room, but I knew I couldn’t. Every time he tried, I just pictured my mom’s face when she found me and it helped. Gave me strength to fight him or whatever. I just locked him inside and never went back—”

Josh watches Tyler’s facial expression closely but it’s guarded, and he can’t get a read on what he’s feeling.

“Do you know how he got out?” Josh asks.

Tyler shakes his head, “no but—I have an idea.” Josh waits for Tyler to continue but he just sucks his bottom lip into mouth and folds into himself.

“You don’t have to tell me, just, tell me how I can help now.”

“I need him out for a bit, so I can go in and figure out how to lock him inside again. For good this time.” Tyler pulls Josh’s hand off his thigh and intertwines their fingers together.

“How long do you need?” Josh is half scared of the answer, but he needs to know so he can prepare himself.

“I don’t—it’s not a science exactly. I—maybe an hour or two? Last time it took almost half a day, but I didn’t really know what I was doing and I was weak. Josh—what if I can’t come back? Every time he’s come out, it was him pushing out and me being unable to control it. What if me letting him out means I lose all control?” Tyler laughs but it’s humourless and the noise makes Josh flinch.

“You’re stronger than you think, Ty.” Josh pauses and runs his thumb over Tyler’s knuckles. “You’ll pull him back; I know you will.” Tyler sighs and folds into Josh’s side, they maneuver awkwardly until Josh is pulling him tight back to chest, legs tangled and hands clasped over Tyler’s stomach.

“Tomorrow,” Tyler whispers into the bunk, “after the show.” Josh leans down and presses his face into the back of Tyler’s neck, he breathes deeply and nods.

“Tomorrow.” He agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! Second to last chapter. Thank you to everyone for sticking with this and I promise you will not wait as long for the final chapter.


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